Inside A Soulacoaster
Six weeks in a Brazilian mental institution - My insights
The Freak Out
Your ego gives you your limits.
I know why I went mental… in a mental institution for nearly 6 weeks in Brazil. Because I was a foreigner, the Brazilian legal system kept me for longer than usual.
I felt normal, but I remember freaking out. The fire brigade was called to break myself out of my room as I locked the door. I was shouting and creating so much noise. I remember staring in the mirror watching my entire life be shown to me as well as the story of life. People waiting at the top of the mountain for their friend to come back. There was no time so all they could do is wait. Their loyalty was so strong, they would wait a lifetime, not knowing what happened to them. How long did people wait when they only had the sun set, sun rise?
I know what that freaking out was. Where was the fear if I was always in control?
I remember now. I was experiencing eternity. No time restraints. No ledge (knowledge). It just kept going, and in that realisation I freaked out, because I went down into eternity, and in that moment, I thought, I am stuck. I am lost.
I had a calling to do my 40 days, 40 nights, not even knowing what that meant at the time. I told my online community, and I did not return for over 90 days. During whatever happened to me, a voice told me to do them all. What I now realise is that I had taken an entire tub of Colombian cannabis gummies, and in that altered state, I just accepted that was God speaking.
The Soulacoaster
It happened in front of my parents too. I got caught in the void. It is like you have travelled through light to see how your self would respond, and you see the mirror of the ego freaking out in the infinite. Think about a rollercoaster. Scary right? Exciting. Petrifying. Every ENHANCED human experience that gets the soul shaken up. A soulacoaster. The soul loves what has still yet to be experienced, which only comes from human creation. The gods are humans that the soul looks up to. You can do things that the spirit only dreams about.
This is their playground. The playground for the soul.
Think about bungee jumps, parachuting, surfing the wave. A dare devil. The soul is daring the ego to jump out of a plane.
And when this is experienced from an awakened soul, the human experience offers so much more. So much, even God is waiting to share the first experience together.
God and his Sun. God and his soul. You and your Sun.
Let go of the Y. Let go of the responsibility. And it becomes our sun.
I was unable to find a ledge to stand still. To slow down. For God to catch up. And we SOLvE together (soul v ego). Ego and Sol. I kept panicking. The whole day I was in this dream state, movie stance state. It all felt like an act. A pre-preview of a scary soul shaker.
Fear came from the imagination. It was a breakthrough of illusions and too much for the mind to comprehend. Time was created to keep the mind safe. The prison of time, is the kingdom of heaven in optimal viewing mode.
Instead the reaction was scream. Speak out loud. Speak in a tribal tongue. I surrendered and found the act too intense. The real clue was to remain silent and present in the silence. Silent is to listen. I needed a newclear bomb to slow down time. Let it all catch up and make sense. The lent was to give up words. Be the silence. Witness the emotions with the narrative neutral thought.
Truth bombs for the ego and soul slaps.
I went back into that space, and the first rush of energy is oh fuck. Panic alert. It is catching yourself in the act. This is God focus. High alert. Intensity high. Intention higher. Stay on top. Get above the high. Be the weather man. We Eather Man. (Imagining a hippy surfer dude: We the eather man)
It is the thought of freaking out in public. That image of you going into the ambulance. The people surrounding you. It is all playing out in that moment, and the reaction is too. I would see how the panic moments flash by, when in fact I now see it as the soul having that experience in the flashes, so that the box is ticked. The soul has experienced, and the human experience does not require the physical experience. The soul just did it.
I was unprepared for the imagery, and the inability to control it. It took me everywhere all at once. I became the load caught within the tornado.
That was the freak out. And that image of being shown, what if I get stuck? And it is impossible to imagine. The thoughts become describing what-if moments.
It is like fishing, where it is a constant battle with the fish.
That is what it was. And the playing out all the scenarios. My story was wrong, out of alignment, and the whole frequency was a soulacoaster.
What They Cannot Understand
I write this as the hardest thing about psychosis is the way that however you explain it, no one will truly understand you if they try to connect it with their life. They just need to listen and see it through a unique pair of eyes. The more I allow others to share what happened to them, they get me fully present, curious, interested, and waiting to ask questions to make sense of their experience. To relate more. Able to relate. That is why people open up to me. When in reality, they knew they were speaking out their soul, and the soul will only truly do this when they trust the space. A safe space is for the soul to fully express, without the judgement, opinions, facial expressions, or what I found, being told you are now crazy. You cannot tell the doctors what really happened. The full truth. Because you know your words will get you signed off as crazy. Given more tablets.
When in reality, they just have no comprehension to understand at all.
Healing Through Truth
I also keep people on some kind of path. They let it out. I keep the energy in the right space.
Healing takes place when they can just tell it how it was in that moment. The overanalysing drives people into a "crazier" place.
It was only when I got to tell my story to someone who was willing to listen—it felt like I had crashed back into my body. I came back as a confirmation. I have returned. Enhanced. And got my teachings.
I Was Just Ahead of Time
I feel like I went to my in-between lives during this period and played it out by being on my own in a mental institution. Within the scrambled collective Brazilian thought in this facility. My body and mind were peaceful, and I spent the entire time connecting the dots to my life. Attempting to understand my soul journey and why I chose to come back at this time and at the same time I was in a constant daze from the medication given to me. Deciphering what was real, cancelling the what if, and the feeling sorry for myself.
Look what you have got yourself into now.
I was just ahead of time.
If you have ever gone through something like this, or know someone who has, feel free to share this with them.
These are the kinds of stories that need to be told honestly, without judgement. That is why I do this work.
If this resonates and you want to speak your story out loud, you can book a Soul Coaching call with me. Sometimes one conversation is all it takes to bring you fully back to your truth.
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My son in law was also in marijuana induced psychosis. He has five children , ages 6-22. That was extremely hard on them to witness their father questioning his entire existence. My poor daughter felt the weight of this crazy world on her shoulders. What a soulacoaster they experienced. I love your wisdom and help through this awakening, Harry. Thank you ♥️